...if you were a lambsquid.
Melissa Sue Stanley is a crafter after my own heart. She paints, crochets, embroiders, and finds interesting ways to put them all together. She calls her creations that have yet to find new homes "free-loaders," adjuring them to "go out and earn a buck, you bastards."
Surely, you need a free-loading melancholy lambsquid monster in your house!